I’m sitting in a Starbucks within (but not a part of, I’m constantly reminded) a Barnes & Noble. I’m about to start reading a book I’ve bought called “What Money Can’t Buy”.

Since I’m in the cafe, I figured I’d buy a hot drink. The young lady serving as my cashier says with a big bright smile, “Whatever you buy today, you should get a vente!” I laughed a little (it was probably just a smile, but it felt like a laugh to me.. though it might have been an actual laugh), and I said that I’d just take a tall. I didn’t really want a drink in the first place, and I definitely didn’t want that much of anything. As my credit card is being approved I ask her to tell me about the competition that she says inspired her “vente drive”. She explained that if she sold thirty vente drinks.. she’d get a free drink. 

THIRTY! 

I estimate that it would take approximately $180 worth of drinks for her to qualify for one drink!

ONE!

I was and am dismayed. I asked her why they don’t just get free drinks as employees and she said that it’s because they’re not a part of the B&N, which is completely illogical. She said it so simply, matter of factly, and with such innocence that I can only imagine that she’s only repeating without thinking what she’s previously been told. 

I’ll suppress the number cruncher and manager in me and forgo much thought about contribution margins, profit margins, cost of goods sold, employee retention, and goodwill. I can’t as easily cast off the thought of using low level poorly paid cashiers to upsell sugary drinks with some minuscule carrot, that cost pennies, awardable only at the end of her shift. Ironically, as I type this I’m also looking at the dangling carrot on the front of this book..

I asked her what she wanted to drink. After checking to see if I was “sure” and a couple “seriouslys”, she told me what she wanted. I bought her a drink, and of course, it was a vente. That’s the only humor available in this entire depressing episode, and available only to me. She was so happy I heard her telling her colleague about it who seemed as incredulous as disappointed for himself. 

Sometimes I hate people. And then sometimes I love them. But mostly I just feel sorry for us all.