I just got off the train where at one of the final stops a “mother” got on with a stroller and a seven year old. I know that the girl was seven because it came up as a part of the mother’s rant.
The girl wet herself on the train, and if you’ve ever witnessed a spill on the train, there is hardly anything more of a taunt than a liquid ebbing and flowing with the starts and stops of the train and changes of pace, right in front of the culprit. It is a reminder that will simply not go away. I understand the mother’s embarrassment. And the child’s.
Yet, cursing at the kid wasn’t helpful and I am not sure at which point precisely the child started to wail – when she realized that she had wet herself and lost control, or if the mother had followed through on one of her many loud and menacing f-bomb laden threats to hit the child about the face. After the third threat (accompanied by the wail) and before I realized that urine was see-sawing centimeters from my orange (salmon?) converse, I turned around to discover the actors in this tragedy. I was incensed. On the train were roughly 80 people whose attentions were mostly captured by the ruckus.
I clearly and firmly told the mother to stop yelling at the child and said that children should be given the flexibility to make mistakes. This was not precisely my word choice, as I don’t precisely recall my choice of words. My firmness and annoyance though were unmistakable. I wanted to suggest that this is one major reason that girls of 14 or 15 come home pregnant because they are out “there” looking for love that should be found at home. I refrained. She suggested (loudly) that I mind my own business. I told her that she made it my business when she made me listen to her abuse her ward.
She shut up, and so did I, but I kind of wish she hadn’t because I had a lot more to say, and I really felt like belting it. I really wanted to press her into thinking about any mistakes she’s made since being seven – I’d have pointed more explicitly to the mistake she was making right then. I permitted my response to stay balanced and pithy, but a diatribe was definitely ready to come spilling forth, ebbing and flowing all over whomever was close enough to be sprayed with it. And this isn’t the first time I’ve interjected on behalf of children in similar situations. It’s heartbreaking and bothersome each time.
I always hope that I am not making things worse for the children, but my conscience won’t permit silence and my voice will hopefully remind parents to love and parent and not victimize the people they’re intended to protect. I’m grateful for my parents.
No one on the train spoke up in defense of the child, but one woman gave me a thumbs up after the fact and another came up to me one stop later to thank me for “doing what I had to do”, but where was their voice when the innocent was being hurt? Why sneak me a flash of your wrinkled thumb, and whispered voice?
I don’t want your thumbs or you congratulations. I already know that what I’m doing is the right thing. Everyone knows it. So, do it too. Take a stand, don’t be afraid, don’t be ashamed. Some have said to me “be careful with that”, and I say “I’ll accept any consequences for doing the right thing and for doing what I believe”. I’m not special. This is only a reminder. Use your voices. Let your good hearts sing. I am not afraid.
INENARRABLE 
As always, Kenyada, you are an inspiration.
Ironically the sentiments expressed in the last few lines under lie the philosphy of men like Kwame Nkruma and Malcom X. I was literally listening to Fela Kuti’s ” Fear not of Man” as read this. In agreement.
Brave move confronting that lady yelling at her child. I wonder looking at that situation if there are two victims in that situation. It’s obvious that the child is experiencing abuse.
What about the mother ? People can’t give more than they are capable of. Something must have happened so her to nurture such behavior . Do you agree that the mother is also a victim, even is a lesser degree compared to the child?
Is every murderer/rapist a victim? Of what precisely? Children don’t become these things free of having been derailed/railroaded, the argument easily goes.. How much empathy do and should we have before being punitive or at least neutrally honest, presuming no attempts to “rebalance”?
In the Christian tradition true empathy is expanded to everyone regardless of whether they are rapist or murders. I’m human so I agree that there is a line that is defined by the law and our collective conscious. Empathy of course is an ideal.
When you describe the mother I thought of “Precious” mother from The movie “Precious”. She was a despicable character that didn’t deserve any empathy. Only towards the end of the movie does the audience get a clue to her own hurt and pain as a person.
I also want to make the distinction that empathy doesn’t mean that you are immune to punishment. I personally believe that there are no “bad people”. There are “people who do bad things”. Some people are extreme and they do horrendous things.
^^^ RE : punishment
Everyone has a right to their opinion, and we can extend the universe as broadly as required to encompass all victims however we define them. However, I won’t give the wife beater a hug over his childhood while his wife bleeds. A mother repeatedly threatening to punch her kid in the “effin face” does get my sympathy. Actual real time sympathy and figurative sympathy over hypothetical or distant wrongs don’t trump the victimization happening in front of me. It’s easy to get philosophical. In my world, the hangman will always have a job.
RE : hangman
I agree! the hangman will always have a job. I am a pacifist under most conditions until … I see a “geek” being bullied. Then I’ll be the first one in arms.
I won’t start a fight, ” but once the sword is drawn, it must taste blood.” Blatant injustice such as domestic violence, abusive parents, and murdering the innocent are all reasons for “drawing the sword”.
The difference is that I wasn’t on the train and I am human. I can be theoretical because I was distant from the incident. I don’t think that’s hypocrital I think it’s just a different perspective. It’s no different than focusing on the tree vs looking at the forest.
RE : trump victimization
No where in my argument did I say that you took the wrong action. I haven’t disagreed with society needs to punish and regulate. I’m just advocating that when we take a step back ( look at the Forrest) we will find a complex character vs a one dimensional villian.